i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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