The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize