Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
