how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
