I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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