So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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