I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
His nipple licking is glorious
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