how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
