I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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