Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
