We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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