I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
