If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
