I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
