Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
