I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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