There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
