Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
