Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
