Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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