Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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