i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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