Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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