Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
