So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
