as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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