I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
