Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
