Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize