You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
