I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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