If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
