So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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