WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
