ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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