Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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