dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
