I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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