Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
