I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
