If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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