How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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