matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
