I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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