I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
