you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
