Don't you send me to vm
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize