John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
