I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
