thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
