I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
