idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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