you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
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Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
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New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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