I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
