how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
