I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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