I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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