Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
His nipple licking is glorious
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