cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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