You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
PS: I just woke up from my shower
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
