How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
