Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
