The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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