I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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