yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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