dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
