He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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