its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
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So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
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There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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